I was recently talking to a loved one and was surprised by their sincere curiosity about my sexuality. This loved one knows how difficult my life has been struggling with the physical challenges from my rheumatoid arthritis. I live with chronic pain and sometimes can't even walk without assistance. My hands are very painful and numb. I am often debilitated by fatigue and fever and have to battle constant sicknesses because I have a compromised immune system. She was amazed, that even dealing with all that, I have a lover and enjoy a sensual and sexual life.

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It is very important to me to stay sexually vibrant as I age, even if I become more physically challenged. I am lucky to have found a sensitive and mature lover who knows the largest sex organ is between your ears. We are creative and adaptable.

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As I have aged and have begun living with an aggressive RA battle within myself, I have had to adjust the way I approach all aspects of life. I had to change my mindset and physical approach to sex. I am sexually active, but not like I was 20, 30, or even 40 years ago. Partly because I'm wiser with age and I know sex is much more than the sex act itself.

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My sex life is not as spontaneous as it once was because I have to prepare ahead of time. I have to make sure I am rested enough. I take pain medication an hour before meeting so that I can move more easily. That is a must have. I like being seen at my best. But I do not mind so much, as I have to prepare for all days now, carefully minding my “spoons” and medications. So sex is no different.

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Sometimes I am too tired and in pain to do much. So we might lie naked with each other just stroking, talking, giggling. I am rarely ever too tired or pained to kiss and whisper sexy stories or secrets.  I can touch and stimulate in a variety of ways that do not hurt me.  I highly recommend visiting a sexual boutique either in person or online. Find pleasurable, easy to handle toys to entice, relax and excite each other. Address the pleasures evoked by all your senses. Not only are these pleasurable to both your bodies but they nurture your own sensual persona.

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For me, my decrease in agility, mobility and energy made me feel very unsexy. Throw in thinning hair and super dry skin  from methotrexate or biologics, and I had to look for different beauty accessories that I had never considered before. I no longer wear tight clothes and high heels to be sexy,  but rather comfortable, sensual and selectively revealing clothes with fabrics that entice. I found a more subtle sex goddess within me. I have to take extra care to nurture my sensuality and confidence. It can be difficult to love my body as is now but it is a shift in consciousness that is vital to my living joyfully.

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Our sex dates are soothing and comforting to me and my lover. It is not only me that sometimes needs special considerations. My partner might also be too tired or dealing with body parts that aren't working cooperatively. We always find ways to be sexual that don't rely on athletic performance. It takes a creative mind and a cheerful playfulness. I have found enjoyment in so many more subtle ways and when I feel good on my medication, I can go back to my regular sexual antics!

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This image  is a scene from the 2004 movie “Meet the Fockers”, where Barbra Streisand's character is a sex therapist and she leads a workshop for older people wanting to improve their sex lives. She enthusiastically addresses their physical limitations and attitudes. She teaches them to be playful when employing props and to be sensual in their mindset. I channeled her spirit while I was trying to find my own sex goddess inside me.

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This cute meme was made by my friend DL in support of me contemplating this post. I was complaining that in all my research on disability and sexuality, there was not much about people with rheumatoid arthritis and sexuality. So cute!

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Everyone in their lifetime will experience physical disability in some form. It will be up to you as to whether it sidelines your sexuality. Aging women are sexually invisible in our culture and disabled people are seen as asexual. Don't buy that crap!