I've lived with Rheumatoid Arthritis for all of my adult life and have wrestled with one persistent question: should I have kids? Honestly, I've often viewed this decision through a negative lens. I worry about what I might lose, what I could be denying my child, and whether I would live with regret. Recently, however, I've been trying to see the positives in raising a family and have come to realize that I am more capable than I give myself credit for. And you probably are, too.

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There are quite a few similarities between living with a chronic illness and the experience of parenthood. While these experiences are vastly different, almost like comparing apples and oranges, I believe the skills we develop in managing a chronic illness can also be applied to parenting.

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Sleep Deprivation

One of the most immediate and challenging aspects of both living with a chronic illness and parenthood is sleep deprivation. Chronic illness often disrupts sleep due to pain, discomfort, or medication schedules. Similarly, new parents frequently find their sleep patterns shattered by nighttime feedings and the constant vigilance required to care for an infant. If you’ve managed to function on minimal sleep because of your illness, you already have some experience coping with the exhaustion that comes with a newborn. It’s tough, but you’ve built resilience, and that’s a powerful tool in parenting.

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Loss of Identity

Living with a chronic illness can often make you feel defined by your condition, overshadowing other aspects of your identity. You may lose the ability to do the things you love, or come to the realization that your career is no longer feasible. Parenthood similarly brings a profound shift in how you see yourself and how others see you. Suddenly, you’re not just you; you’re also someone's mom. Both experiences require you to redefine your sense of self and find new ways to embrace your identity. This isn’t about losing who you are, but rather about expanding your identity to include new roles and discovering strength and depth you didn’t know you had.

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Living with a Financial Burden

Chronic illness often comes with significant financial challenges, from medical bills to treatment costs. Parenthood, too, introduces a new set of financial responsibilities. Both situations require careful financial planning and prioritization. If you’ve managed to navigate the complexities of budgeting for a chronic illness, you already possess the skills needed to handle the financial demands of raising a child. The experience has likely taught you resourcefulness and the ability to find joy and fulfillment beyond material wealth.

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Relationships Changing

Both chronic illness and parenthood can transform your relationships. A chronic illness might cause strain, as partners, family, and friends adapt to your needs and limitations. Similarly, having a child can shift dynamics, with new responsibilities and stresses. These changes can be challenging but also offer an opportunity to deepen connections and build a strong support system. The empathy and communication skills you’ve developed while managing your illness can be incredibly beneficial in fostering a nurturing and understanding environment for your family.

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Loss of Physical Autonomy

A chronic illness often limits what your body can do, dictating your daily activities and sometimes requiring assistance. Parenthood also demands a level of physical surrender, particularly in the early years when a child’s needs are constant and immediate. Both experiences can make you feel like a prisoner in your own body. Understanding your body’s limits and capabilities will help you care for your child without compromising your health.

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Realizing It's Permanent

One of the hardest realities of a chronic illness is accepting its permanence. Parenthood, too, is a lifelong commitment. Both experiences force you to confront the long-term implications and adapt accordingly. This permanence can seem daunting, but it also offers a chance to grow and find purpose in nurturing and being nurtured. The patience and perseverance you’ve cultivated in managing your illness will serve you well in the enduring journey of parenthood.

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Choosing to become a parent while living with a chronic illness is undoubtedly challenging, but it’s also an opportunity to realize just how resilient and capable you are. The skills and strengths you’ve developed in managing your illness are incredibly valuable and transferable to parenting. While the experiences are distinct, the parallels provide a unique perspective and a set of tools that can help you thrive in both roles. You’ve faced tremendous challenges and come through them stronger; there’s no reason to doubt your ability to face this new adventure with the same courage and determination.

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