I've got to give my husband credit for this entire post. You see, I'm a Taurus: lazy at heart, not much of a planner, carefree to the point of self-sabotage. Thankfully, I married a Virgo moon and you'd be correct to assume that his love languages are organization and planning. It drives him crazy that he can't just take this disease away from me, so he's done the next best thing instead.

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He's taught me how to intentionally approach flares by thinking through the steps I'm about to describe. Personally, I've always thought my "ignore it and pray it just goes away" method was just fine, but implementing these four steps at the beginning of a flare has brought me peace and a sense of control. If you've dealt with the unpredictability of flares, you know how precious the feeling of control is.

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Step One: Pause and Assess

When you live in chronic pain it becomes easy to tune your body out. You could be in a flare for hours or days and not fully register it. So when you have that "ah-ha" moment of recognizing you're in a flare, it's important to pause and really think about what you feel. You need to figure out what parts of your body need attention and care. My train of thought usually goes something like:

Okay, my left hand is killing me. Is it the whole hand or a few fingers? (moves hand and fingers around) Okay, it's these two fingers that are bad. What else? My feet are killing me...feels like it's mostly in my ankle though. Hmm, I'm also shivering. Didn't realize I was so cold. Maybe I should put on some gloves or turn the heat up.

Once you know what needs tending to, you can form a plan.

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Step Two: Act Now & Plan For Later

Now that you've pinpointed what needs TLC, you can decide what to do now and what to do later. The point of this step is to quickly create a little game plan. What's available to you right now that will help you? What will have to wait until later? Let's say you're at work when you realize a flare is beginning. Time to take action. You keep Ibuprofen and compression gloves in your bag, so you can go ahead and use those now. The flare will probably get worse in the evening, so you know that once you're home from work you should plan to take stronger medication and a hot shower after dinner. Knowing what you'll do later in the day to help yourself can prevent flare anxiety from sneaking up on you.

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Step Three: Identify When You Can Rest

Rest is essential during a flare. Stress is a major factor in flares and resting gives us the opportunity to reduce our body's stress response. It's important to plan for rest, otherwise it may not happen. Think about your day — is there any time for you to lay down? Could you chill in your car during your lunch break? Is there anything you can cancel or reschedule so you can go to bed early? If you're a busy bee it can be quite difficult to make yourself stop and you may even feel lazy. Think of resting like medicine — it's part of your treatment plan! (I want to note that some flares, especially ones that are fatigue-heavy, are actually helped by light exercise. After living with the disease for a while it becomes easier to tell which flares need rest vs. exercise.)

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Step Four: Communicate with Loved Ones

Letting your partner or loved ones know you're in a flare can help everyone set expectations. Does your partner need to cook dinner? Is the pain making you irritable? Let them know so they can plan accordingly and/or mentally prepare to assist you. Caretaking is not an easy role but good communication can make it easier and it shows your partner that you respect their time and energy, too.

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Now that I've been doing this a while, I typically run through these steps in my head within seconds:

Crap, here comes a flare. My left shoulder joint is bad and my right hip is starting to hurt, hands are also getting stiff. I need to take some Meloxicam now and when I get home I can take some of my edibles before I get dinner going. I need to find my Voltaren cream, it's around here somewhere. If I can finish my work in the next hour I think I could make it home early. Jarrod will have to take Dolly for a walk so I need to text him.

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Once you begin thinking about these actions they become like second nature. Flares can seriously destroy your sense of bodily autonomy and control, but approaching them with intention can give you confidence and peace. I've created a printable PDF with a summarized version of these steps that you can put on your fridge, desk, mirror in the bathroom, etc. to serve as a reminder so you don't feel stuck next time a flare rears it's ugly head.